Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Today I did something terrible

Have you ever really hurt someone.

Have you done it knowingly.

I did last night.

I am not sure I wanted to hurt him or why I did it just then.

Things have gone so far and they are so out of control that I wanted to hurt somebody back.

Lets just explain where i am coning from here.

Way back 18 months ago I met someone at a night school class.

Where I live in a small town when you go some place you usually know everyone. But this time apal and me went to learn something new - WEB design.

She needed to learn as she is self employed, I wanted to learn cos I wanted to be a great novelist and thought I could publish myself on the web.

So every week we turned up and learnt a little bit more about HTML.

On the 2nd week we had a new guy to the class, he tooj the seat next to me.

I had no problem with that and I think we may have said 2 words to each other that night

Over the next 7 weeks we always had a chat uring the break and at the last session we all went for a drink afterwards.

I never really thought much about it.

You see you have to know that since I was 13 I have had a 38 inch chest . By the way I was about 8 stone as well - so no I wasn't fat - I used to look like Jessica Rabbit.

So when a guy talks to me it isn't unusual and I just deal with it.

After the course finished I think we emailed each other a couple of times and then way back in February we were going to meet for a cooffee in the morning as he had a CD for me.

What was really quie funny is that I went inside cos it was freezing and he waited on the corner for me.

He went home and I stayed in the coffee shop for 2 hours.

Ok so it was really warm and cosy , I had a good book and lots of tea.

He was furious - like it was my fault. Thought at the time it was a bit odd.

ANyways 2 weeks later we said we would meet for a coffee again but in the pub this time.

I was stood at the bar.

I had a cold sore - so I was wearing RED lipstick and my hair tied up like a siren.

Apparently when he walked in I blew him away.

I didn't know this - I carried on pretty much as normal.

Like I said guys chat to me all the time. When I mention being married and having 3 kids they usually run for the exit after having one last longing look at my chest.

I know the effect my body has on men. I have known and used it when I wanted to for 20 years now. Yes you guys can say BITCH, but lets be honest when a woman flits with you - you get your thrills. I have never seen a guy walk away. I have never seen a guy say no way. You all lap it up. At work I mercilessly tease my boss. He has no idea that I am doing it.

So I carrried on chatting to my mate from night school. We talked for 2 hours and had such a laugh. It was a real shame when I had to go - school run!!!!

We went to leave and it was thrashing it down, we both laughed and legged it in different directions to our cars. It must have been weeks later before I got another email. Time just rolled on, we were heading to the summer. Not that where I live that makes any real difference- it's alwasys cold. Anyways we kept on chatting via email and before I went away he did some work on the Ds for my kids.

He was so sweet he fixed them and brought them round just the day before we went away.

you are going to find this weird, but whislt I was away I started to miss him a bit. I went for 3 weeks and just as I was returning he went away for 3 weeks.

So all in all I hadn't seen or spoken to him for 6 weeks. SOrry I have just done what the BBC does and repeats itself as if no one can add two numbers together, anyway I started to miss him and emailing him.

After the hosl I went back to work and found out that my colleagues were all off sick.

Wow it was so busy I was really stressed - so I kept emailing him telling him all the mad stuff that was going on. Literally it went from not emailing more than once a moth to 15 times a day

I don't know how it happened - over the course of a week

From then on we emailed each other every day constantly. In the morning I used to get up early to read them. Let me say at this point - they were all jokey/ bloggy emails. We were the best of pals.

Yes ok so I am naive

I thought that all along.

Once he told me not to let my husband see them so I said why not? i have always been honest with my husband , he knows I flirt - so does he. To be fair he has lots of friends who are girls. Doesn't bother me.

When I told my Pal that he couldn't believe it - he went spare and I couldn't understand why.

He had to explain much later. For the record he felt strongly towards me and didn't see us as friends. He wanted something more and I had no idea.

I think I am going to stop here for a moment - I want to explain in much more detail what happened next tp my doing something awful. DOn't worry I didn't kill him!!!!!